- Rudy Giuliani promises to end illegal immigration from Mexico if elected. He promises to do this by building a complete boarder fence and bumping up the number of boarder patrol officers to 18,000 instead of 12,000. He has no plan how Americans will start washing their own dishes, mowing their own yards, or cooking their own meals once he has eradicated immigrant labor.
- Rudy Giuliani routinely answers his cell phone when addressing large audiences. He says this will no longer be a problem as his wife just taught him how to use the vibration mode on the phone.
- I do not believe I'll be voting for Rudy Giuliani.